Overflow

Want...it fills me. It fuels me and drives me. I don't understand this. I want everything to be okay. I don't want to make the wrong move again. Every decision I make should be thought out better this want is making it to focus on anything. I feel as though I'm just gliding through life from moment to moment. Letting go and holding on trying to make it day by day. I'm in over my head and it's only a matter of time before I hurt someone or get hurt. I feel as though I am reading this whole situation wrong. Human touch is what I ache for day by day and he fills that gap so brilliantly. His intelligence moves me. I'm doing it all over again. Obeying my natural want without hesitation. What am I doing here? Does he feel anything like what I do? A fool with foolish thoughts. I ache for that sweet release that I can't seem to reach on my own anymore. Is this a side effect of my addiction or is it love I seek. I don't know how to feel, but I do feel, whatever it is strongly. Word flood forward but I feel the need to censor them to change them for fear of what he'll say. Sleep seems so far away. Just this ache at the deepest part of me. I wanna numb this ache with physical touch even for just one night.