I'm sorry! I will try harder!

What have I become? That carefree girl you once knew seems so far away now. All I feel like doing anymore is crying. Is there a reason I'm alive? I don't want to hurt anymore! I just want to be the great girlfriend you once had. I don't want to lose you! Your harsh words cut in me so deep. Do you see how bad they hurt me? They send me back to the deep sea of depression. I've stayed true to you and you doubt my every word. I know its a two way road and I gotta work hard as well as you. You get upset when I don't tell you whats wrong anymore. Its because when I do you get mad and use harsh words that make me feel worse. You might as well have shoved a knife deep in my heart. So do you see now why I've been so distant? Yes you do have a sweet side I only see ocationally or little bit of but I feel your harsh words more. Help me be that girl I used to be!

Sex!

Why does it seem like that's the only thing I can think about. Is it the hormones along with the help of the media that fuels it? Without the media's help would I even want it again? There has to be a reason for these strong feelings. What brings it to my head and starts the blood pumping slightly harder than before and cause me to go in and out of sexual daydreams in the middle of class? Do other teens go through this? Or go through it this bad? Its really bad in boring subjects like history! But why?! Why do I wanna fuck his brains out if you will when I'm told that sex before marriage is so wrong? I know the hippies had sex before marriage but they didn't get married as early as the generation before them and us, the generation now sure as does not get married early. I love him and they tell me I do not know of love yet that I am too young. Then what is this feeling inside me that feel so beautiful and natural?