Breath in the Words I Tried to Send

You're stuck in my mind like a disease. I can't do anything without you being there. I don't even know you. But I adore you. How can this be? I'd drop everything I have right now to be with you. Is this new or a memory of past love? I am a fool as you should know now. I'm a crazy emotion filled woman and I have passion beyond your wildest dreams and fantasies. But I can't promise I'll always be there. I can't stay in one place long. It depresses me to stuck in a single location, knowing the same people and their every movements. I can't do it anymore. I need to see the world. I need to meet new people. I'm so sick of taking care of people. I thought I wanted people to need me and I do to a point but this is ridiculous. I shouldn't be the air that you breath and only with me around you will live. I hate that so much because when I fall in love with a man it is because of who he is without me. I'm not perfection...I am me. I have a million flaws and I still love myself with all of them...well most of the time. But the sad thing is that I feel like you're become like the rest. I mean it's not a bad thing. I feel like I impact everyone who lets me close enough to do so. I change people and that sounds cocky but we all do. Everything we do effects someone else. Oh and words...words are the most powerful thing on this planet. The words are what makes us the alpha's of the animal kingdom. It's so strange that the most minuit words can change someone so much. Simple words when put together in a sentence can change a person. But what do you do when your words won't go through? Because you are your words.

Life in Prospective

I just feel that I'm in a place right now that I need to get rid of all my baggage. I need a fresh start in a new place with new faces, especially a certain British one. I have no idea what the world holds for me but I feel being here with people who constantly hold me back will be the end of me. I can't stay here and be happy! I need to live my life because right now I'm just here barely breathing. I kinda wanna disappear and tell no one where I've gone. Start over new in a place of my choosing. Is what speak of complete nonsense? I may only be 19 but something tells me to run to you. My mind seems to be saying, "Leeds" with only an accent that I know to be you. Forgive me for my faults...for my dark past weighs heavy on my mind. Is it really as dark as my parents play it out to be? Ask not about my past just keep in mind that I like you and you make me happy. You know by this blog that I fall so quickly but I like how you have kept me at somewhat of a distance. I like how you are so very cautious with me and at times too shy to speak. I like your innocence. Its hard to find here. I like how you appreciate my body without being a total perv about it. I like how there is this side of you that kinda wants to be a perv about it. I like how you seem to like me back. I like that I'm on your mind. And I like how even though I'm on your mind you still continue with your life. I like how if we never talked again you'd be ok. I like how your American accent is terrible and how I can't tell if your singing is rubbish or your just playing around. I like how you try so hard to make me smile. I like how we have kinda know each other for awhile but just now really started speaking. I like how surprised you are when I tell you that I think you're fit and have thought so for awhile. I like how talking to you made me realise that I need to just let go. And I think it is crazy that I actually have considered leaving everything here behind and living there. Maybe it's because I live in this fantasy world but I just feel like my happy ending isn't here in Oklahoma. I'm not ok with settling down in Oklahoma and raising a family. I want more out of life!!!! I wanna see the world and I don't want people around that tell me that I can't. I'm tired of being chained down in Oklahoma when I could be free and happy in London. I don't know if you'll ever read this but I'm not happy here.