Forget me...please don't leave me.

Is this what life is all about? Living for the little moments of happiness. The car rides with windows down and music pulsing through your veins. Is that what life is all about. Moments of happiness for times of deep sadness. A sadness that in soak in your bones and won't wash away but is hidden by the suns sweet blinding gaze. People see me in the light and see not my side of treacherous things. I am no saint... I've done things that nobody should do. And I can tell no one. I'll lose them all if I did. I'll lose my sun and windowless car rides. I am broken that is clearly seen but you'll never know who or what broke me. I am told I have a whole life ahead of me but I don't know how I can handle it. Who was I kidding I'm no hero. No matter all the good I do I will never be able to back that moment I'll never get "redemption" if you will for lack of a better word. Trust me not for I am a pitiful shell of a human. I have gotten all I deserved. All I had given I was served back. And I deserve it ten times worse. I didn't know...I mean I did but I didn't. That is no excuse though. I how do I be happy when I'm alone?