Broken from his absence

Tonight I'll let my tears fall and he will not know. I'll hide my empty pain from him from now on. He will only see me content. Never again will he have to hear my pathetic cry. He will be shield from the darkness. He will only see the light even if its fake. I will protect his heart from my cold bitter soul. Depression its back like a lost friend. I can see he is growing tired of me. I am no longer special. Was I ever? Only god knows. Maybe its my place to disappear. Maybe its my destiny to fade away into the darkness and never return. Would he notice? I know I'm not worth a second of his time. I'm no better than the rest. He will tire of me like he did her. I don't wanna hold him back but I just don't wanna let go. I will if he wants me to. As much as I want to tell him my pain I will not burden him with it. I will not tell anyone. I'll cry the night away and put the mask of happiness on during the day. I know everyone would be happier if I was gone but I'm not strong enough to do it. I wish I could make their lives better but I can't. I know he is tired of me. He deserves so much better.