EMO NOT KNOWN

You tell me I gotta learn to be lonely more now. So I will. Its not like I haven't been before. I'll make it for you but I can't garentee to be happy. I'll prolly be emo more than you care to deal with. I just hope you don't give up on me. Because even though I know I could handle it...I don't wanna have to deal with pain like that. But I also don't want you to fake like you want to be with me. I'm sorry I know you deserve better...but I don't wanna lose you.

Life isn't so lively

I'm alive but I'm not living. They don't trust me to make the right decision. I'm not that bad am? Then why every time they say something I feel so worthless and unwanted. I feel like I'm just a hassle to them. I'm sure their life would be so much happier without me. I'm such a bit let down that I'll hide away so they don't have to see my face. They haven't seen a tear fall across this face in quite some time and they won't for a long time. I learn to comfort myself a long time ago because I knew they wouldn't. Its so sad that now I can't even tell them the truth. For fear they'll just get me on trouble. All I want is to be there for him but they don't care. They wouldn't listen even if I tried to tell them how I feel. But its not use fighting with them anymore it wouldn't help. Could I really take the leap and move? I'm so scared but it might come down to that. I just hope it isn't till I graduate. I just don't know to do anymore. How long can I pretend to be happy here without him? Only god knows and he brought god back to my life. We have gone through s too much to give up now so I'll just continue fighting my silent battle.

...................:(

All I ever do is start fights anymore. And you end up hurting cuz I'm a bitch! Its not fair for u!

broken from stupid thoughts

I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you. I'm sorry I no longer make you happy. I know I'm the biggest mistake of your life. I feel like you dread even talking to me. I feel empty and lonely. You must see how pathetic I am. Do you realise that this depression is breaking me down? I'm just bringing you down. All I seem to do is hurt you anymore. I'm sorry I ruined you life. I know I'm not special. And I know your going to find someone better than me. I know I'm not worth your time. I'm just a dumb girl that's a bundle of emotions. You deserve better but I don't want to let you go.

Future memories

These years are flying by so fast. I'm already suppose to get a job. Ugh that I'm truly dreading. My mom is constantly on my case about it which doesn't help at all! I'm 16 and still haven't learned because when I do my parents scream at me and it stress me out so much I'm just like fuck it. So I just don't don't drive. I have my permit because I retain what I read. I just wanna go back to middle where the only thing I had to worry about was boys. lol jk. I really wouldn't wanna go back to middle....maybe 8th grade. Ha ha that whole year was a blow off year. Would not wanna go to the summer before that.... I was a complete wreck. My favorite class in 7th and 8th grade was multi-media! Me and Carolina made so awful movies. lol but they were funny! Freshman year I was a weird mess. I saw Justin everyday and I still loved him then but it was like I was invisible. Oh well now I have Aaron! He made all those other guys not even matter! Fuck them I got Aaron! Their the ones that fucked up! I love you so much baby!

Freedom for the fearful

I thought I just wanted to settle down and have a family. But now I just wanna get OUT of this town and see the world! My spirit needs to be free not stuck in this house. I wanna get out of this state! This room is driving me insane. I FEEL LIKE I'M STUCK IN A CAGE! While my friend are out driving around town having fun I'm stuck in this house alone. I'm tired of being a good kid. I wanna get out of here and have fun! But am I ready for the responsiblilty?

pretty little fuck up

All I can see is you wanting her. All I can feel is pain because something inside me is saying your not over her. Even after all she did to hurt you. I think that if she decided to take you back you would go running to her with everything you got. Why would you care about the past with her if you love me. You say you don't love her but little things say you still do. And for someone to save you like that they make an impact on your life. You don't just forget a love like that. And for you to say if I played you like she did you would forget me when she did it so much and you still loved her with every fucking fiber of your being. It just kills me that I know that. It kills you to be around her because you love her still. I give you my heart and all you truely want is hers. And I'm so stupid because I still love you with everything I got even though I know this. I love you I truely do and I hope you love me more than her but I don't know. I doubt you'll ever see this. If you really know me instead of texting me you would be on here reading how bad I'm hurting but you won't. You don't need to know. I'll never quite be good enough for anyone and I always fuck up.